Learn to Love Again

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It’s in the stars
It’s been written in the scars on our hearts
We’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I was listening to Pandora, washing dishes, at the end of an average but all around good day, when this song by Pink came on the radio. I was singing along to the words, when suddenly I thought, “Sometimes you can’t learn to love again.”

Woah! Where did that thought come from?! I am madly in love with my husband and our beautiful puppy; I count my blessings every day. So I had to stop and think… what did I mean by that?

I guess what I meant was, “Sometimes you can’t learn to love the same person again.” No, that didn’t sit right either. I did learn to love my ex-husband again–though, granted, not in the same way I used to (less intimate, but arguably more deeply).

So what was really sitting wrong with me, making me so bitter and sarcastic in my own mind? It must’ve been the duet. Two people, coming together, looking for a reason to hold on – to find they are “bent,” but not “broken.” Oh. I looked for so long, and so hard, to find a reason. Just a little bit would’ve been enough. A moment to show that we were just bent, not broken. I thought we were meant to be – written in the stars, that the scars on our hearts would make us stronger and closer in the long run.

Oh, but I had been wrong. Even though I tried–I tried so hard–I couldn’t find a reason. Because I only had half a duet–my husband didn’t even see that we were bent, let alone broken.

I knew I had found the answer because I started to cry. I cried because I had looked so hard for a reason. I cried because my first husband wasn’t there trying with me. I cried even though I would never want that marriage back. I cried because no matter how wonderful my new life and my new marriage are, that old life and old marriage really is broken, and will always be broken. I cried because parts of me are still bent, and I don’t know if that’s ok. But at least it’s better than broken.

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