More Than a Number

My Day 60 weigh in for P90X is in 2 days. Normally I’d be stressing about reducing my calorie intake, getting extra workouts in (“Let’s go for a 5 mile walk, Madelyn!”), or the fact that I didn’t stick to my diet the past 5 days because I was on my period and failed to control my cravings.

The things is… I’m not. In fact, I just sat down and ate a plate full of pulled pork and barbecue sauce – with no remorse! Last night, I was having a sweets craving, so I went and grabbed a Zone Perfect Bar (my go-to sweet/semi-healthy treat), even though I had already hit my calorie goal for the today.

And that’s ok.

The week before my period, I never feel hungry, so I made the decision to aim for a 1000 calorie deficit per day. I lost two and a half pounds that week – more than double my goal number.

Then last week, my period hit in full force and I watched that number slowly climb back up a pound and a half. I tried to maintain my deficit, but the fact was I was starving all the time (and I always am on my period). So for once, instead of fighting, binging, and feeling guilty, I decided to honor my body. I listened to what it wanted, let myself go back for seconds, or eat some chocolate, and trusted that this wasn’t me “falling off the wagon” like happened 2/3 of the way through P90X3 last winter.

Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned through my running, working out, weight loss, healthy eating journey, it’s that my body is more than just a number on a scale. I may not be at the weight I have idealized in my head, but my body continues to impress me and accomplish amazing things that I never thought it could do. I’ve ran a half marathon for crying out loud! I blitzed my previous best mile time into the ground by 27 seconds last week. I can do plyometric lunges! I remember when I first saw those in P90X3 in January, I laughed out loud because there was no way that this girl would ever be able to do those. But I can, and I am.

For the first time in my life, I am proud of and pleased with my body. Even though it’s nowhere near the prettiest or skinniest it’s ever been. Am I still working toward my 145 pound goal? Sure I am. It’s just that instead of working against my body, I’ve chosen to work with it this time. And I know we’ll get there together (even if it isn’t in 90 days).

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