From left to right: A tangled knot of yarn that I’ve managed to untangle and re-tangle about 4 times now. Fell off the couch when I fell asleep on it last night. A dish towel my puppy stole from the kitchen, and a pillow she stole from the couch. Also an old water bottle that is actually something she is legitimately allowed to chew on. The vacuum cleaner that has sat there since Friday, when I vacuumed up the last chew toy she destroyed (pictured behind the vacuum: new destroyed chew toy). And last, but not least, a TV dinner tray that she accidentally drug around and flipped over with her Elizabethan collar.
Now most of this mess, yarn and vacuum aside, happened in the last couple hours (though I should really just put that TV tray away, it’s the fourth time). So since my puppy has been home from surgery and destructively bored in her recovery for the past 6 days now… I’ll let you image the state of the rest of the apartment.
My puppy has finally ceased her hour long tantrum about not being allowed to eat off the counter and fallen asleep. One might suggest that I take this golden opportunity to pick up her mess, revacuum the floor, and… well, let’s face it, leave the vacuum out to vacuum up the next mess she makes. But I’ve got bigger fish to fry.
You see, I feel like I’ve been a pretty good puppy mommy this week. I made her homemade puppy food and puppy treats. Helped her eat and drink and walk when she was on her sedative. Sat with her and soothed her when that sedative gave her puppy nightmares. Held her toys for her so she could get chew leverage inside her Elizabethan collar. Slept on the couch all week so she could sleep next to me (and by next to me, I mean on me) because the bed’s too high for her while she’s on jumping prohibition. Stayed home nearly 24/7 because her dog crate is uncomfortably small with that giant cone around her head.
But there’s someone I’ve been neglecting for the past couple days. Someone I have been depriving of sleep, forgetting to feed, and completely ignoring. Someone I’ve reduced to tears three times in the past two days by overwhelming them with unrealistic expectations and belittling them when they couldn’t meet them.
“Why hello there, Old Me. When did you get back in town?”
If I were a child, Child Protective Services would LITERALLY take me away from myself for the way I’ve been neglecting myself. And the funny thing is, I would never treat a child this way. I would never treat my puppy this way. Hell, I wouldn’t even treat the cat this way.
But for some reason it’s ok to treat Me this way. It doesn’t even cross my mind that it might not be ok until I’m reduced to tears because my head hurts so much, and I’m so exhausted, and I just don’t know what to do about it… oh wait. Maybe I should try eating. My first meal of the day. At 8:30 p.m. When I’ve been up since 6:00 a.m.
“YEAH?! You think that might be a good idea?!?!?!“
You’ll have to forgive the yelling. I just get so frustrated with myself, because I do this all. the. time. I always say I’m going to put myself first, and I always mean to, but it’s so easy for me to forget. So easy for me to lose myself in someone I love. Even in a frickin’ puppy.
So I’m not cleaning right now. Messy living room be damned. I’m eating my chili, writing my blog, and taking some time for me.
How to Be Awesome Tip #12: Don’t just know your priorities – live them.